I’ve had a bit of a break from social media over the holiday season. I’d love to say that I have used the time to rest and recharge but unfortunately that isn’t the case. The past couple of weeks have been filled with friends, family and, well, booze, so I am feeling the need to refresh and get back into the swing of putting myself, and my health, first. Christmas time is a hard one for us spoonies– I really want to see everyone and so try to say ‘yes’ as much as I can, but I suffer for it the next day (and week…).
This holiday season has been a mixed one – full of joy after seeing my sister and her family for the first time in over 2 years but also sadness as we have had a bereavemeant in the family. Stopping work for the Christmas break seems to have brought my body – which I guess was running on empty – to a stand still. I have had 2 falls (non drink related, I hasten to add!) and my level of fatigue has gone through the roof. And its hard because others think a simple nap will sort it, but what people don’t realise is that I have no choice but to stop and nap – it doesn’t ‘fix’ the fatigue but I literally can’t do anything except stop – my body has has enough. I guess it is like a rechargeable battery; the need to nap comes when the battery is almost empty and the sleep will recharge it, but only to about 15%.
Anyway, sadness, fatigue and falls have really made me stand back and think about what my life is like now, and I am aware that there are some potentially big changes coming up in 2018. For example, I really cannot see myself continuing with my level of work for another year, I am trying my hardest with the adaptations that they put into place, but it feels a bit like putting a plaster on a wound that desperately needs stitches. And what will that mean for me as a person – someone who saw herself as a highly skilled individual to lose this part of her identity? It will take a lot of adjusting I’m sure.
But, despite all of this, I am looking forward to the New Year. I know that when I do stop the level of work that I am currently doing I will be able to really focus on the people that I love (picking my kids up from school more often) and the activities that I enjoy but don’t do very much, due to the energy that work takes up. I’m not one for making New Years resolutions, but, this year, I am making an exception. And I’m not going to focus on what I am not to do; instead, I want to do more:
More school pick ups
More date days/nights with my husband
More quality time with the kids
More plant based recipe experiments
More time to just be me
Because this MS malarky makes me feel like I have lost a lot of ‘me’. I can’t do some of the things that I used to love doing anymore (dancing, running, all night parties) but there is a lot that I still can do, I just need to structure my life to make sure that I can fit it all in, while still giving my body the rest and love it needs. So, watch this space! No doubt I will continue to moan about work for a bit longer, but I feel like 2018 will bring in a huge change for me and it is up to me to make the best of it.
Wishing everyone all the best for 2018!