5 Lockdown Essentials for Spoonie Parents

Lockdown has started (again) where I live; another month (at least) where the kids and I have minimal contact with friends and family and a lack of leisure pursuits outside of the house.

Last time around, I actually didn’t mind it so much – as someone with Multiple Sclerosis with many ongoing symptoms, it can be difficult for me to get out and about.  Having to stay home actually felt a bit freeing.  I didn’t have to feel bad about not being able to socialise, because no-one else could either! The kids quite enjoyed their chance to have jammie days and, if they needed to get out of the house, they could do so knowing that the weather wasn’t likely to be too cold or wet.

Fast forward a few months on from that original lockdown and it is a slightly different story.  The kids are still at school, the weather is colder and they are well and truly over all the different board games that we have at home.  I was just about to get back to seeing the kids I provide therapy to face to face, instead of over Zoom, and I am now on my own at home with them after separating from their Dad.

But!

I have been thinking that there are a few lockdown essentials that would be great for a chronic illness parent like me to have over the coming weeks that could help us deal with this second lockdown.  Something to help us come out of it feeling, ‘yes! I did it!’  Here they are:

Lockdown Essential 1: The Ability to ‘Think Outside the Box’

I have to admit that I tend to have ‘go-to’ activities for the children to do on weekends – baking, watching movies at home or the cinema.  I can take them for walks only if there is flat ground as I have to use a mobility scooter, though I know that they much prefer places that have hills and rocks they can climb!  I plan to take them out on any nice days that we do have but also to make the most of any other experiences that might be available virtually.

The Natural History Museum has a published range of nature-themed activities and crafts kids can do in and around the home, from making T-Rex origami dinosaurs to making a volcano from a plastic bottle and watching it erupt. The Book Trust has a range of free online books, videos and games, including a Harry Potter quiz and book-themed recipes.

The kids and I are going to be trying this virtual Escape Room – it is free to access and, if you would like to donate to the charity in thanks, there is an ‘honesty box’.  Also check out this link to some amazing virtual tours, from The Louvre to San Diego Zoo with live webcams and even Walt Disney World!

Lockdown Essential 2: The Ability to Let Stuff Go

As much as I am going to encourage and join my kids on these virtual tours, there are going to be times when any parent (let alone one with a chronic illness) will just need to let things go. My oldest is almost a teenager and my youngest a 10-going-on-17-year-old.  They love spending time gaming, chatting to friends and creating make-up looks in their rooms (well, it is my daughter who does the latter!) I need to accept the fact that this is OK – I am still a good parent if I leave them to it and give myself the rest that I need. Meditation helps me to feel a bit more chilled out, I really like the Calm app as it allows me to do quick 10-minute practices when I have the opportunity. Yes, I’d love the children to keep their rooms clean, stop relying on screens so much and for me to be a fab mum who uses the lockdown to make special dinners… but, sometimes, I just need to let my own internal expectations go. The kids usually prefer frozen pizza to my healthy dinners anyway!

Lockdown Essential 3: The Ability to Stay Connected

This is a big one for me in particular; I am a single parent, so am on my own with the kids all the time when they aren’t at school.  I am conscious that I can have a ‘support bubble’ and I have been in one with my parents, but as the virus become more virulent in my small town I am extra conscious about keeping both them and us safe.

Connecting with friends and family via messages and Zoom calls is keeping me sane and adds a bit of normality into a strange time.  I reckon that it is just as important for the children – my son and daughter would normally be seeing their friends at the weekend outside of school but that has had to stop.  If they end up spending more time chatting with their friends through gaming or on messenger, than who am I to stop them?  I am making the effort to write to extended family members who are on their own so that they know someone is thinking of them. The ability to stay connected is so important for everyone’s mental health.

I am also conscious that it can be a challenging time for those who are perhaps being thrown into closer contact with others as a result of having to stay at home.  The Samaritans are there to chat to 24/7 if you feel that you need to talk through any feelings or worries.

Lockdown Essential 4: The Ability to Establish a Routine

Dr Steve Orma, a CBT clinical psychologist who specialises in treating insomnia, anxiety, and stress says:

Routine helps with stress … Create a set schedule for doing chores, work tasks, meetings, exercise, paying bills, and all the usual things you need to do. Put these into your schedule. Once this becomes your normal routine, it’s easier to accomplish everything, because it becomes habit.

Often easier said than done, right? But I remember that when my kiddies were little, having routines through the day made both them and us feel more secure; knowing we had 8 o’clock wine time to look forward to often helped 😉

The children still benefit from routine; they might complain about not staying up until the same time as their friends or having less screen time, but I can see that it helps them in the long-run. Lockdown has also made me realise how I too benefit as a spoonie parent; routine allows me to feel on top of not only the house and my work but also my health as someone with a chronic progressive disease.  I feel good when I make sure that I put the time in for my exercise and meditation, so I try and do these as soon as the kids have left for school. I’m trying to rotate my cleaning routine for the different rooms in the house so that I never have to do more than one in a day to preserve energy and the kids know that they have their own jobs to do. As a self-employed speech therapist, I am sticking to certain days and times for my work that I know will make the most of my energy and productivity.

Perhaps the most helpful routine for me is my sleep routine. Although my MS symptoms of pain and spasticity can make it tricky to stay asleep at times, going to bed at the same time, getting up at the same time and sticking to a 30-minute nap in the day really helps me feel as awake as I can be when I need to get up with the kids before school.  Sticking to the same sleep routine at the weekend also helps me to feel productive with my day and again gives me the time to keep to the routine that I feel is so important for my health.

Read: MS Spasticity: 6 Things That Help Me

Lockdown Essential 5: The Ability to Be Kind to Yourself

I guess that this one is kinda part of ‘let things go’… lockdown can be difficult and anything that helps us through should be encouraged.  For me, that means balancing my housework, speech therapy work and meal prep with activities that are just for me.  However you prefer to approach your self-care – from ‘boring self-care’ like brushing your teeth or changing your bedsheets to more ‘mainstream’ self-care like face masks and bubble baths, it is a lockdown essential that you do it. Mind, the mental health charity says:

Self-care techniques and general lifestyle changes can help manage the symptoms of many mental health problems. They may also help prevent some problems from developing or getting worse.

Putting ourselves first sometimes is an essential way to help us feel confident and ready to support our children in these strange times; I know that just taking an hour out to listen to an audiobook whilst crocheting helps to clear my head ready to deal with the dinner, the kids’ homework, any arguments…

Taking time for self-care is as essential for my mental health as the low-dose anti-depressant that I take every day is.

Read: Putting Yourself First as a Spoonie Parent

The future can seem pretty unpredictable at the moment, but knowing that we have things that we can do to keep ourselves happy regardless of the changes taking place is one little piece of normality that we can still do.  I’m also a big believer that children – even tweens like mine – are taking on board what they see their parents doing every day.  I actively tell my kids that I do meditation to help my mood and that my yoga stretches and breathing help me to feel calm. I hope that that shows them how important it is to take care of all aspects of your health, especially during times as unpredictable as this.

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So those are my five lockdown essentials as a spoonie parent!  Have I missed any out?  Have a fab week everyone.

Love and light