Jenny Chronic illness friends; what does the word ‘brave’ mean to you? Does bravery feature in your chronic illness?
The dictionary defines the adjective brave as the following:
Adjective, brav·er, brav·est.
Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the fact that when people call me in ‘brave’ in relation to my MS – which they often do – that they mean it in the nicest possible sense; who doesn’t want to be considered to be strong and courageous? But sometimes I feel anything but.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot over the past few months; at the moment, particularly, I don’t feel strong or brave or any other words that are often used when people are dealing with chronic illness/es. And sometimes, I guess, being described as brave can make me feel like I have to put up a front, that I am only admired if I am seen as someone handling my sickness well; to not be brave means that I am, instead, weak.
Brave: a Negative Label?
Some bloggers in the world of chronic illness also feel that it can be a negative label for us; on being called brave, Cathy from MS Wellness Route said, ‘I don’t like it, it makes me feel as though I’m being pitied. Life is tough for everyone, you deal with what was handed to you.’
And I think that’s what hits the nail in the head for me, ‘you deal with what was handed to you‘. I haven’t had any other choice but to live with Multiple Sclerosis from a young age; as a result, I don’t feel like I have been particularly brave, merely ‘just living’. Surely being brave is a choice?
‘I find the ‘brave’ word embarrassing at times. I’m not brave. I am just living life as well as I can despite my pain. I’ve got no choice. Firemen going into burning buildings to rescue people – they’re brave. Not me. I’m just living as best I can’ Liz, Despite Pain
‘To me, brave implies that you had a choice in the situation. Running into a burning building to save someone is brave. Surviving a gruelling slog you didn’t ask for or get a choice in? That’s something, but it isn’t brave’ Diane, Spoonie Living
‘(It’s) like it’s something I have a choice about. I don’t. It’s just something I make the best of because I want to enjoy life anyway, thrive, and accomplish what I’m able to’ Carole, Navigating the Storms
(I feel) ‘frustrated at a lack of understanding. Being brave is a choice. Dealing with chronic illness isn’t. I’d much rather people recognise my resilience, persistence and happiness skills’ Julie, ME/CSF Self-Help Guru
‘Brave to me sounds like I have gone to war or I am a warrior, the word warrior has never sat well with me, I don’t feel brave I am just getting on with things’ Accessible Rach
A Positive Slant
For others, being called brave can be a more positive experience:
(Being called brave makes me feel…) ‘Indifferent. I can see it from their perspective as well and it’s not a bad word, per sé. Perhaps an admiration for a person, even’ Sheryl, A Chronic Voice
‘A doctor once said to me when discussing pain levels ‘don’t be brave’ i.e. ‘don’t grin & bear it’. Which I really appreciated’ Hope Found In ME
It appears that there is a wide spectrum of opinions about being described as ‘brave’ when you live with a chronic illness. Gaining insights from others in the online chronic illness community helped me to see that, just like everything else in life, one size definitely does not fit all:
Barbara, who blogs on Catch Your Breath 60 stated that being called brave ‘makes me feel like Superwoman’
And Tanya from My Fruitful Home said that being called brave ‘gives me strength to go on because a lot of times I don’t feel brave. It encourages me that people see in me what I sometimes can’t see in myself’
I guess that’s the thing, isn’t it? The idea that people are really taking into account what you are going through and appreciate the fact that living with a chronic illness(es) can be very difficult. Others may know that it isn’t easy, perhaps the word’ brave’ lets you know that they see what you are going through and acknowledge that it isn’t easy.
Depends on how being called ‘brave’ is being used. I don’t mind when it’s said with love and compassion and empathy. Being brave is not being afraid to do something but having a go and doing it anyway – sometimes I AM brave with my chronic illness and pain, other times I am not. But I am OK with that. Some days are a little easier than others Michelle, from MichelleLouise.net
Down Times = Brave Times
Some days I feel rubbish and that my MS is taking over my life. I grump and sometimes cry, I feel cross at my legs and can’t stop thinking about my past life, before the symptoms of my MS seemed to take over. Does this mean that I’m not brave at times like these? That I am a coward?
On the contrary, I think they are my bravest times. They are the times that I am brave enough to admit that I can’t always handle my MS, that I can feel frustrated and sad. And you know what? I find that from these times often comes a renewed sense of purpose to keep going and to have strength. Strength to show my kids – and myself – that I am going to be ok, that I am going to keep doing everything I need to to be as well as I can be with Multiple Sclerosis. Sometimes, being brave isn’t about being overtly brave – it is in the silent way that we keep going, day to day, not always putting on a ‘brave face’, but knowing that we are doing the best we can.
I’m going to finish this blog post by sharing a quote from Sara from Managing Chronic. Sara has Functional Neurological Disorder (FND) and ADD. She emphasises how much she takes being called brave as a compliment:
I see it as a compliment, but sometimes I find it hard to accept the compliment. But in my situation, it used to take bravery to go out in public. When I first got sick at 28, I left the office as a full able bodied athlete, and came back as someone who had to use a cane to walk and had no diagnosis. That certainly took bravery because there were stares and questions that I didn’t particularly want to answer or could answer. It’s also taken bravery to “come out” on social media about my FND because there is so much stigma around the condition. So yes, if someone says I’m brave, I take it as a compliment because I really have had to be brave.
What about you? Do you think of yourself as brave when it comes to living with your chronic illness? I’d love to hear your thoughts 🙂
Till next time,
Hi Jen,
I’m in the process of writing a blog post for MS awareness week and want to share some inspirational posts from bloggers with MS. I love this post so I’m sharing a link to it and I’ll drop your site link too.
I have IIH, a rare brain disease, which share many of the symptoms. I obviously cannot understand what you go through but I want to show my support.
I really relate to this post and like how you’ve represented both sides of this debate. I also feel that I’m just living with the hand that I was dealt but understand others who feel that people are pitying them. I can see both sides but personally don’t feel that people are pitying me, rather that they cannot see themselves in the same position. I struggle more with ‘inspirational’, for the same reasons.
If you want to check out my post please pop by my website https://www.strengthoftears.com in the week. I don’t think my MS awareness week blog will be ready for tomorrow as I’d hoped but I’m getting it up as soon as I can.
Stay safe,
Laura
Hi Laura,
Thank you so much for your comment! I really appreciate you sharing my post and am glad you found it to be a balanced blog post – that is just what I was aiming for 🙂 I feel the same as you in regards to the word ‘inspirational’ too. I have checked out your website and it is great! Thanks so much for sharing, I have added it to my bookmarks bar so I can make sure to keep up.
Thanks again,
Jen xx