If I didn’t have MS…

I would be working full-time and earning significantly more than I currently do with my ill-health pension and my two private speech therapy clients

My physical appearance would be completely different; I would still be going for runs and following YouTube videos to exercise

I would dance around the kitchen and at gigs, potentially embarrassing my kids, but also showing them that expressing themselves through dance is normal and fun

If I didn’t have MS, I would have the financial freedom to travel more and explore different parts of the world.

I would be spontaneous, taking off for weekends with my husband and/or children

I would be able to attend gigs with my entire family instead of getting just one “companion” ticket, which limits me to taking only one extra person.

I would go to the beach, running down to the water’s edge to paddle my feet or even try open water swimming—something I’ve always wanted to do. I would be able to swim without struggling to kick or relying on buoyancy aids.

If I didn’t have MS, my house would be cleaner and tidier. My children would see me as a very capable Mum; I would be able to work outside the home and handle everything their dad can do.

I would be able to eat whatever I want without feeling guilty because, 1) I would be exercising, and 2) I wouldn’t constantly worry that the food I’m eating negatively impacts my MS.

I would fully enjoy warm days like I used to, without the hindrances of heat intolerance.

If I didn’t have MS, I would also be able to keep the garden in check and enjoy tasks like cutting and pruning. Yes, I have developed an interest in nurturing and growing things outside—I’ve turned into my Mum!

BUT

If I didn’t have MS

I’d be working full-time and earning a substantial amount more than what I receive with my ill-health pension and two private speech therapy clients.

I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to spend more time at home, being available to the kids after school, as I do now. And I wouldn’t have become as frugal as I have, focusing on important things rather than buying items we really don’t need.

My body would look completely different – I would still be going for runs and using YouTube videos to exercise.

If I didn’t have a MS, I probably wouldn’t have discovered gentle Yin Yoga and Meditation to focus on my mental health, not just my physical well-being.

I would dance around the kitchen and at gigs, potentially embarrassing my kids, but also showing them that expressing themselves through dance is normal and fun.

Instead, I sing my heart out, talk about how I used to love to dance and still shimmy, albeit in my wheelchair, at gigs.

I would have the money to go travelling and to see more of the world. I would be spontaneous, taking off for the weekend with my husband and/or children.

Instead, we still visit new places, but perhaps not as often as we would like. But, because it is not as frequent, we really love and appreciate going away (perhaps more than we would have if I didn’t have MS?) In addition, we spend more time staying in Britain and experiencing how lovely our little island is. MS and spontaneity do not go together, which is frustrating, but a lack of spontaneity does mean more time to plan and make the most of a short break.

I would be able to attend gigs with my whole family, as opposed to only having one “companion” ticket, which means I can only take one extra person with me.

The companion ticket is free, so I can see more gigs as it works out cheaper. I usually have a better view of the stage as well, thanks to a raised platform. This year, we have already seen three comedians and two concerts, with two more arranged for this summer and autumn. Not having to pay for a companion ticket does help.

My house would be cleaner and tidier. 

Instead, I have learned not to sweat the small stuff, and the children know that helping and tidying around the house is everyone’s job, not just mine and their Dad’s.

My children would consider me a very “able” Mum; I would be able to work out of the house as well as do everything that their dad can. 

My kids see the struggles that I have and, as a result, they are patient, helpful (most of the time!) and empathetic. More than they would be, I suspect, if I didn’t have MS.

I would be able to eat whatever I want without feeling guilty because 1) I would be exercising, and 2) I wouldn’t always worry that the food I’m eating is negatively impacting my MS.

As it is, okay, I’m not as rigorous as I used to be about following an MS-friendly diet, but I do limit my intake of fatty foods and dairy, which makes me feel better and more energetic than when I have a lot of them. I suspect that having MS has made me more conscious about staying as healthy as I can be through diet, meditation and gentle exercise than I would have been, had I not had MS.

I would fully enjoy warm days like I used to, without the hindrances of heat intolerance.

As a result of heat intolerance, I tend to stay in now, especially if it is hot rather than just “warm”. The bonus of that is that my face isn’t getting as sun-damaged as it would have been, had I not had MS and still been a hot sun worshipper!

I would also be able to keep the garden in check and enjoy tasks like cutting and pruning. Yes, I have developed an interest in nurturing and growing things outside—I’ve turned into my Mum!

Now, I make the most of pot plants as they’re smaller rather than attempting to tidy the whole garden. And I don’t mind turning into my mum at all – I can’t think of anyone better to be like!

***

MS has taken so much away from me – my ability to work, to walk, to have the hobbies I would like and to be the person that I want to be for myself and for my family. But if I stop and really think about it, MS has also given me some surprising positives that, chances are, I wouldn’t have if I didn’t have MS.

Til next time,