Finding Comfort in my Reality

How is it the end of April already?! I can’t believe how quickly time is going and hope that everyone has been doing well.

As time marches on and my body continues to recover from its recent HSCT treatment, I have been thinking about the future and what it may look like.  I miss my working life and having the privilege to work with children and families who need my help.  I plan to get back to it when my health allows, albeit in a different way to how it was when I worked for the NHS, even if it means seeing only one child a week instead of the seven a day I used to! I’m keeping up with the demands of the profession through online learning, but the reality is that I am currently dealing with fatigue and increased symptoms following my treatment, and I am in no fit state to consider speech therapy for the time being.

A Comment That Made me Think…

A recent comment from Mishka from Crafts Chronic Illness and Adulting, on one of my posts, has struck a chord with me:

I think perhaps finding comfort in your reality is helpful

It is all too easy to become fixated on what the next thing is going to be, or thinking about what needs to be done in order to move life forward.  I know that I do it all the time.  But what if I just told myself that it is ok just to be me, as I am right now?  If you had told me 10 years ago that I would be in this position now (medically retired from the NHS, recovering from invasive treatment and not able to walk far) I don’t think that I would have believed you, as I was feeling so well.  Yet here I am.

It isn’t always easy; I know that some of my personal relationships have suffered as a result of my MS and the life changes that it has imposed.  But, ultimately, I can’t do anything about that… this is me (cue the song from the Greatest Showman playing now).  The reality is, as much as MS has taken away from me, it has also given me so much: a greater understanding and awareness of my own body, increased compassion for others going through tough times, a strong and supportive online friendship group and a new love: writing and blogging.

How I Find Comfort in my MS Life

Writing this blog was initially about me getting my thoughts and feelings out in a way that is constructive, rather than yelling at my loved ones! But now it is even more than that.  I have been lucky enough to have Tripping Through Treacle named as one of the best MS Blogs for 2019 by Healthline.  If people can feel a bit of comfort from what I write, seeing that my feelings and experiences of living with a chronic illness reflect their own and that they are not alone, that makes me so proud.

So, for me, finding comfort in my reality is about:

• Accepting that life doesn’t always go according to plan – some days I find this easier than others!
• Finding what my strengths might be and using them – I’ve always loved helping people; in the past, it was through speech therapy but now it can be by writing my blog
• Accepting help from others, whether this is from friends and family, or through sharing my worries and experiences with other people online
• Being kind to myself.  Mindfulness and meditation help to reduce my anxieties and stresses when I feel like my MS has just got too much
• Knowing that I can’t change how others feel but that I am in charge of how I feel. I choose to look at the challenges that my chronic illness puts me through as things that will make me stronger and more determined to do the best I can with what I have.

Ultimately, my reality is not exactly what I envisioned all those years ago.  I’m not for a minute pretending that I wouldn’t rather be doing my speech therapy work, or living my old life again.  But my reality is OK.  I can still make a difference, I can still choose to enjoy the little things in life.  Do I struggle with this sometimes?  Of course, as regular readers will know.  But life is what it is; I am going to try and make the best of it and find comfort in it where I can.

Till next time