My Crutch

Alcohol and Me

I’ve always been a drinker of alcohol.  Not an everyday drinker, but generally someone who turns to alcohol to enhance my life, relax and enjoy.  When I was in my teens and 20s, it was about fitting in and giving me the confidence that I didn’t have.  As an adult, it is about sharing time with friends and family over a celebratory bottle of Prosecco, or having a glass of crisp white wine whilst going out for lunch with my Mum, and I genuinely enjoy the taste.  I never drink on my own and I can happily go for days without drinking.  I won’t drink drinks that I don’t like the taste of and I don’t tend to mix my drinks.

However…since my MS has progressed, my relationship with alcohol has become a bit more complex.  For example, whereas in the past, on a night out, I would intersperse my drinking with dancing, now I can’t.  Now, all I can do is sit and watch others doing what it is that I used to do, feeling jealous and passing the time away with a glass of wine in my hand.  Then I stand up and realise just how much I have had.  Now that I am no longer working, it is easy to say to my husband, ‘ok, I’ll just have one more glass with dinner’, because I know that I don’t have to be getting up at 6:30am for work.  And when my 8 year old is screaming at me because she can’t find her hairbrush, I find myself looking at the clock and wondering if it is ‘wine o’clock’ yet.  So yes, I think that it has slowly become a bit of a crutch.  To help me deal with my frustrations, I guess.

I like to think that I try and stay as healthy as I can be through the use of diet, gentle exercise, meditation and supplements.  But alcohol is the one outlier. Maybe I still use it as a way to feel good, to relax and to not worry about the bigger things that are happening in my life – my health, my work, my relationships, parenting.  And I am conscious that using it this way is unhealthy in itself – I am not setting a good example to my kids and it is not going to make me feel better in the long run if I try and forget my woes through alcohol.

So, what to do?  Well, I have downloaded an app called ‘Drink Less‘, that I have been using for the last week.  This lets you set yourself goals in regards to how many units of alcohol you would like to have as your maximum each week, log your daily drinks and note any alcohol free days.  Since I started using this last week, I have managed to keep to my weekly limit and had alcohol-free days on Friday, Saturday Sunday – these are usually my most-likely-to-drink days, so I am proud of myself.  Seeing my results on screen is a big motivator.

I have decided to replace my almost nightly glass of wine with another treat – a delicious hot chocolate or ‘golden milk‘, both of which I love.  Golden milk, or turmeric tea, as it is also known, is also anti-inflammatory, so great for those of us with MS.  I also plan to keep track of both my waist measurement – as I am aware that alcohol can make me feel a bit bloated – and my sleep.  I felt so much more refreshed this weekend after not drinking, which is a big thing for me, as fatigue features so heavily in my life.

When at home, I plan to only drink alcohol with a meal and to try different types of ‘mocktails‘ – I discovered ‘Big Tom‘ tomato juice whilst on a flight to France, which is lovely and spicy and just like a Bloody Mary without the need for alcohol.  I plan to try and relax through other ways – doing my nails, using a face mask, writing in my diary – rather than through a drink.

When out, I’m going to make more of an effort to intersperse my alcoholic drinks with soft drinks and think of the money that I am saving and the health benefits of doing so.  I didn’t drink at all when I was pregnant with my kids and I remember how much I managed to save and how clear my skin looked.

Am I stopping drinking completely?  No.  I like the taste.  I enjoy sharing a bottle of wine over dinner and the ceremony of pairing a lovely glass with some delicious food.  But I am hoping that I will be a bit more aware of how much I am having and its effect on my mood – and therefore more likely to take steps to deal with my feelings using methods that are different to trying to drink them away.

If you would like to find more information and support, I would highly recommend the Drink Aware website – especially for some home truths.  Did you know that 6 glasses of wine (175ml each) is 14 units (the weekly limit for woman)?  And that this is equivalent to 6 ice-creams in terms of calories?!

Has anyone else cut down or stopped drinking?  How did you find it?