Nothing Days

Yesterday I had Nothing Day; I stayed in bed until 1 p.m. and then literally did nothing all day until about seven when I decided to do a bit of yoga.

What prompted this Nothing Day? My body saying ‘no, no more’. I felt it in my mind and I felt it in my body. I think the pressures of being a single parent with a chronic, progressive illness just got to me. I felt exhausted and mentally drained. Luckily, it was my ex’s weekend with the children so I didn’t have to think about anyone, apart from myself and the cats.

I knew on the Saturday night that I was feeling down; I told myself that I was going to spend the next day focusing on self-care – watching a cheesy movie, maybe doing my nails and a facemask –but I didn’t do any of those in the end. I slept, gave into my craving for chocolate cereal, and did nothing else until my yoga, apart from sitting on my couch, watching random YouTube videos and cuddling my cat.  (How is it that animals seem to sense that you are feeling rubbish?)  Just before the kids got home, I ended up doing an hour-long yin yoga practice as I knew that it would allow me to concentrate on my breathing (which I find really helps me with my mental health) and stretch out my sore muscles.

The Importance of ‘Nothing Days’

I definitely have days where I do very little, but this is the first time I ever did a truly ‘Nothing Day’ and I can tell you now, the day after, that it was really, really needed.  Although I felt really crappy all day, it’s almost like I needed to get through that to see things more clearly. I felt lonely and hopeless, cursing my MS and what has done to my body and my life. The fact that it was Father’s Day here in the UK and I could see families walking past the window perhaps compounded it? But I’ve woken up today feeling a bit more positive and determined to keep going.

People who have chronic illnesses are often described as ‘warriors’, or as strong individuals – because what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right? That might ultimately be true but that doesn’t mean that it’s wrong to break sometimes, to feel defeated and weak.

Taking that time yesterday, giving in to my feelings and allowing my body to pretty much do nothing, has helped me wake up with more clarity. I can reflect on my feelings more easily than I could when I was in the middle of feeling them.

It’s okay to feel down.

When you feel like rubbish you can’t imagine feeling any better. But the reality is, things usually do get better.  Hard days, or weeks, or months will be there when you have a chronic illness, but so will better times.  I think the trick is to allow yourself time to wallow in your feelings and don’t try to fight them; chronic illness and the guilt, loss and/or the pain that is associated with it, is valid. Why shouldn’t you allow yourself time to feel?

Self-Care and Nothing Days

I had all these good intentions to ‘treat’ myself in order to help me feel better. Don’t get me wrong, doing pampering activities and things that make me feel good do generally help me feel better, but sometimes self-care is as simple as making sure that you sleep, eat and rest. And to not feel guilty about that.

When you have a body that doesn’t work and is often in pain the last thing you want to do is put more stress on it by pressurising yourself to make it feel better. Instead, wait until you feel ready. For me, that means having my Nothing Day and then, after, taking small steps that can help me to boost my body and mood:

Reflecting on What I’m Grateful For

My children, my family, my home, the fact that I can still practice yoga, drive and walk with crutches.

Breathe

Whether through meditation or yoga, focusing on my breathing is a sure-fire way to make me feel calmer.

Do One Thing

I might have loads of things that I need to get done, but by asking myself to only do one thing (e.g. putting a wash on, or make my bed) and then doing it makes me feel productive which, conversely, often makes me do more than one thing.  I also sometimes set a 10-minute timer on my Alexa and tell myself that I will stop after it goes off… but, by the time it goes off, I might be in the swing of being productive.  Or, I might not.  And that’s ok.

Talk

Talking about my feelings helps me to work my way through them. It is exactly the reason why I started this blog in the first place, back in 2016 – I needed somewhere to splurge all my thoughts about having an illness that was having such a major impact on my life. I also sometimes write in a journal or moan to my Mum. Just getting my thoughts out of my body helps me to feel like a weight is being lifted.

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My Nothing Day helped me, ultimately, to start accepting my emotions and to work out what I need to do to feel better.  Do you ever have ‘Nothing Days’?

Love and light