Jenny I’m usually a very positive person, as I hope I get across in this blog. But, down days do find me and, though I know that it is not the most uplifting thing to read, I find that blogging about them helps me to get through them. Blogging helps me to put my thoughts into perspective, take a step back and look at what I am going through objectively, as it were. I also hope that by writing down my thoughts others who may be feeling the same way as me, realise that they aren’t alone, that others out there understand. Many of you will know that I’m involved with the fantastic Dizzycast, a podcast lead by Heather of Dinosaurs, Donkeys and MS, where we discuss Multiple Sclerosis and the how it can affect us. Becoming friends with Heather and Robert (of a 30 Minute Life) has been amazing. Finally, people who really, truly understand! We discuss anything and everything about MS, but my favourite podcast by far has been the one where we talked about our emotions. You can have a listen here.
I am very conscious that my down days are very much linked to what else is going on in my life. Recently, for example, I have been contending with both ill health retirement – finishing a job that I loved – and also the upheaval of upcoming medical treatment. I am on tenterhooks still waiting for my date for that to start to come through the post and, as a result, I feel like a tightly coiled spring.
I am pleased to say that the days that I feel full of despair and anxiety do go. That is not to say that they don’t come back again, but I know that by keeping a few things in mind that I can minimise the impact that they may have:
I’m allowed to have down days
Everyone has down days; it is a way of life. No-one can be ‘up’ all the time and we shouldn’t expect to be. It might not be obvious, in this social media-savvy world, as people don’t like to advertise that they’re not feeling the best. I know that it is a NORMAL part of life, for everyone.
Down days are a normal part of life for everyone Share on XI know that keeping a positive mindset will help
Have you heard of a ‘self-fulfilling prophecy’? In very simple terms, the idea is that if you believe something to be true, it will become true. So, if you continually think something is a problem, then your thoughts and emotions will become negative too and the cycle will continue. I know that if I think, ‘ok, I’m going through a rough patch, but tomorrow will be better’, then it helps to keep my negative emotions from spiralling out of control.
I let others in
One of the reasons why I loved the Dizzycast that I linked to above was the fact that I could just talk. I could tell others about how I sometimes feel. Did they wave a magic wand and fix me? No. But it did let in a little bit of light, it took a weight off my chest. I know that I can go to my family or friends if I am feeling rubbish, but I also know, since starting this blog, just how much connecting to others with chronic illnesses helps me. To be able to let off steam and just simply say, ‘I’m having a bad day’, to others who understand, is massive. I have connected with and made virtual friends through avenues such as Twitter, Instagram and Facebook and I am so grateful for them.
I identify my triggers and try to let them go
I have always been a person who likes to be organised or have something ‘on the go’. When I knew that I was going to be stopping paid work, I was conscious that I needed to try and keep my brain working, so I decided to embark on an online course that requires monthly assignments. The thing is, I swapped one pressure for another – the pressure to stay in work for the pressure to try and stick to timescales that I knew that I may not be able to. I soon realised that the pressure that I was putting myself under to complete the coursework just wasn’t doing me any good. So I have stopped. Yes, I have wasted money, but I also feel lighter for making the decision to not focus on something that was giving me so much added stress. In the same vein, I try not to sweat the small stuff. It is easy for me to get het up about how much of a mess the house is in, but, as long as it isn’t doing me physical harm (i.e. I am at risk of tripping), I try to take a step back from it as much as I can. It’s not always easy, I’ll admit!
I treat myself well
I recognise that when I do have my ‘down days’ that I need to treat myself extra well. I allow myself time to sleep, I don’t pressurise myself to get things done. That is why my blogs can be quite sporadic – sometimes, I just don’t feel like writing. And that’s ok. Some days, I want to treat myself with all the typical ‘self-care’ activities – doing a face mask, getting my nails done – other days just having a shower is enough, if that. I know that if I am doing all I can to stay as healthy as possible – by eating well, exercising how and when I can and taking steps to keep my stress levels down – I am working towards keeping myself as mentally healthy as I can be. This can help me be as resilient as possible, against the down days.
I recognise that when I do have my 'down days' that I need to treat myself extra well Share on X
I find things to be thankful for
It’s easy for me to focus on bad things that are happening to me – I live with the symptoms of my MS every day and it has changed my life in so many ways, not necessarily for the better. But, and this is a big but, I have so much other stuff that is going for me… I love my family. My children make me proud every day, they are developing into such kind and caring individuals with the funniest personalities. I live in a fantastic house and have brilliant friends who offer me help all the time. I still take enjoyment of good food, great box sets, crochet, holidays. Yes, I have MS, but if you take that away, I am so, so lucky. I try and focus on this by filling in my ‘thankful ‘ journal every day, even if I am having a down day.
Is there anything that you do that helps you on your down days? I’d love to hear. Until then, keep in touch and have a fab rest of the week 🙂
Glad to hear someone sharing their experience of having ‘down days’. I often feel guilty and ashamed for feeling this way.
Please don’t, I think it is such a normal part of life to have days when you feel rubbish, chronic illness of not 🙁 . I hope that me sharing helps and that you have a lovely weekend xx
I sometimes confuse Down days with just exhaustion. fatigue, or pain. I feel guilty having to dodge out of meeting friends- and this makes me very down
Yes, I am probably the same – exhaustion and fatigue definitely make my down days worse. I feel a lot better when I feel productive and useful, but it can be hard to get the balance when you have to make sure not to do it, isn’t it? x
What a great post Jen! It’s important to keep a positive attitude – as you said, that can help us avoid that negative thought cycle – but it’s also important to be open about the down days as well. They’re a part of the chronic illness experience, and I think it’s helpful for others who are having one of those down times to realize they’re not alone. Pinning and sharing on FB page.😊
Thanks so much Terri! Really appreciate you sharing too 🙂 . It helps me so much to know that others go through the same too xx
Great post Jen. Since MS I do seem to get more down days!. As you are aware, I have a good cry. Never a feel sorry for myself cry, but a good release cry. I also stop, and am grateful for what I have. Blogging and journaling of course is a good release for me also. Have a great weekend lovely. :)xx
Oh, and I really enjoy listening to the podcasts!.
Thanks Toni! Really glad someone knew who I was talking about when I said Mr Motivator! xx
Great post Jen. Yes, it’s sometimes hard to accept iwhen we’re going through them, but we are allowed to have down days. Everybody has them, and I think when dealing with the never-ending challenges of chronic illness, it’s not surprising that we may have more! As much as we’d perhaps love to be, we can’t be positive all the time. I find my daily gratitude practice helps me a lot too 😊xx
Thanks Emma! I feel like I am moaning a lot at the minute, I am hoping that by writing that it will help me get it all out! xx
Such great points – it’s hard during those down days to always keep them in mind so this post serves as a great reminder.
For me, allowing myself to have these days and not feeling overwhelming guilty about them has helped, though that’s still a work-in-progress. Letting go of triggers, despite how disappointing it may be, is also a good point. “Yes, I have wasted money, but I also feel lighter for making the decision to not focus on something that was giving me so much added stress” – I’m sorry you had to stop the course but at the same time it definitely sounds like you made the right choice for you, to have that weight lifted from something that wasn’t helping and was in fact making things a little worse.
Brilliant post, Jen. Hang on in there, keep riding out those bad days xxxx
Thanks Caz 🙂 . I definitely feel lighter for not doing the course, though I have a little seed of guilt about it. I think mine is a work in progress too! xx