How to Feel More Positive

I am sitting here, next to my hospital bed, and reflecting on everything that is going on with me at the moment.  As regular readers will know, I am currently undergoing HSCT treatment, in an effort to halt the ongoing inflammation in my Multiple Sclerosis brain.  It has been quite difficult so far – intense sickness from the first lot of chemotherapy and staying in a hospital two hours away from my lovely family.  I am now in a shared female ward, having daily observations and growth hormone injections between resting, reading and watching IPlayer on my laptop.

I am sharing my space with one other lady.  She is lovely.  She has already been here for a few weeks.  We have been chatting about our families and she has been giving me tips on how to cook with ackee (the national fruit of Jamaica) and how to make spicy prawns.  Being in with her has been so eye-opening.  She does not have MS, like me, but she is on strong painkillers (she told me) and oxygen.  But she smiles.  Smiles and laughs and makes jokes and generally seems to be super cheerful, despite obviously having a lot going on medically.  Of course, what you see if not always the reality but being in the hospital has really made me see that people tend towards one of two camps: those who seem to view the glass as half-full and those who tend to see it as half-empty.

Which One Are You?

If you are a ‘glass half full’ person, you tend to view situations or experiences with optimism.  Although things might not go plan, you can still see them in a positive, hopeful light which can help you move on quickly.  For example, if you fail a test, you might think, ‘ok, I didn’t study hard enough, so I will do more next time and pass’.

A person with a ‘glass half empty’ view may be more likely to view situations pessimistically, for example, negatively thinking ‘I didn’t pass that test because I am not clever enough. Good things never happen to me’.

I like to think that I am of the glass half full variety.  I heard the lady who is in with me chatting to her family saying, ‘the nurses say I’m always smiling, I might not always feel like it, but if I do, it makes me feel better’. I think that she has hit the nail on the head.  I most certainly don’t always feel brilliant, but smiling and trying to keep positive helps me deal with any problems so much better than if I wallow in it.

How Can We Make Ourselves Feel More Positive?

Some psychologists believe that were are conditioned to feel optimistic or pessimistic in our childhood.  In other words, what you experience as a child – whether your parents take a positive or negative view of the world and any problems they encounter – can then impact upon your general outlook.

But there are some ways that we can help to feel that little bit more positive, even if things are a feeling difficult.  Everyone will have issues – whether it be because of family, health, work, friendship – staying positive isn’t about ignoring those, but trying to think about how we can view them in a different light:

1. Share your problems

It is easy to think that feeling positive is all about forgetting about any troublesome things that are happening.  On the contrary, finding a way to share issues can help us connect with people who may be able to offer encouragement and a different way of thinking about a problem.  It might be through therapy, writing a blog post, journalling or just having a cuppa and chat with a friend

2. Practise feeling positive

Think of those things that make you feel happy and more positive – and do more of them!  For me, meditation, yoga, dates nights with my husband and time with my kids all make me feel happier.  I also try to reflect on all that I am grateful for.  For you, it might mean dancing, singing, exercising or hanging out with friends.  Reading positive books or listening to happiness podcasts may also help.

3. Make a positivity playlist

Don’t underestimate just how much an effect music can have on you.  Do you have any songs that instantly transport you back to a positive, happy time?  For me, it is the 1990s – I was a teenager with very few cares in the world and great friends.  I also have memories of dancing around the kitchen with my big sister.  All of these songs have been placed on a ‘happiness’ playlist for me to listen to when I need a bit of positivity in my life.  It doesn’t fail to cheer me up.  What are your favourite positive songs?

4. Consider if it all really matters

It’s very easy to become preoccupied with problems and to think about them constantly.  But consider – does it all really matter?  The Buddist way of considering problems is this:

Do you have a problem you’re worried about?

If No, don’t worry!

If Yes, is there something you can do about it?  If yes, don’t worry! If no, don’t worry!

Sounds simple, but I like to think to myself, ‘will this really matter next week/next month/next year?’ Chances are, it won’t.  Is there any point in worrying about something that doesn’t matter in the long term or won’t change? On a personal level, I am always going to have MS. Of course, I have times when I worry about it, but I really try to concentrate on the benefits of this rubbish diagnosis (the online friends that I have made, the fact that I consider myself more understanding of others’ difficulties) instead of worrying about something that will not go away.

Focus on Others

Taking the focus away from yourself and onto others, how you can support them, is a sure fire way to increased positivity.  Whether that means lending a listening ear, taking part in a sponsored event, or chatting to others on virtual message boards offering solidarity, experience and advice, doing something that makes you feel useful can build self-confidence and esteem and therefore happiness.

Challenge Your Thoughts

For those that have a predisposition towards negative thinking, it may take time and effort to put a positive spin on your challenges.  Start small, perhaps with one area of your life and try to turn your thoughts around, brandishing negative self-talk.  Berating yourself for that 3rd chocolate biscuit?  Admit you enjoyed it and tell yourself you are a strong person who will stick to 2 next time.  Over time, this more positive slant will hopefully move into other areas of thinking,

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Positive thinking isn’t about sticking your head in the sand and pretending difficult things aren’t happening.  It is about taking the steps to make little changes that can ultimately make you feel better able to deal with troubles as they come up.  I know that I personally use positive thinking as a coping mechanism for the issues that I may be going through and that this definitely helps to keep my mental health on an even a keel as possible.  Am I always positive? Of course not.  Do I feel better when I am? Absolutely.  And that is the effect that I try and focus on.

Till next time,